Jerald Newman

Thirsty Ghost, Jerald and the Beelzebub

In ლიტერატურა on March 23, 2013 at 12:50 am

I don’t believe in death. It is not a logical thing for me to end the process of living just like that –  down in a grave, with the cold gravestone above the red wooden coffin. I am a person quite spiritual, but i have nothing to do with the ghosts or stuff like that, that is not in my league…

Stone, The stone… GraveStone!!!

One day i was sitting in my room enjoying a marvelous episode from the well loved TV series “Frasier.”  Weather outside was great, fat raindrops were falling on the plastic bottles that i had left on outer  window-sill to have some cool drinks for the morning. I have no fridge and i don’t need one because i am trying to keep on with my diet… Folks, remember the general truth: If you have a place to keep your food, forget about loosing weight.

Frasier Crane

I was watching the show staring the laptop screen and enjoying a hamburger with soft fresh beef and tasty yellow cheese,when all of a sudden there “shined the shiny ghost” from my bathroom. Only ghost that i had ever seen in my life was a kind little Casper, believe me, one from the toilet did not actually look anything like from the movies.

He was a sixteen feet tall ugly beast, with frightening smile… I guess, even Frasier Crane was afraid…

The ghost i named Jim(after Earthworm Jim) looked at me with hungry ayes… He wimped out  like a dumb retired police officer and  started talking in cozy ghostish manner. His voice reminded me a whispering Mark Lanegan, though i never asked him to sing…

Game Boy

-Jerry, My Jerry, you should have prayed for me..

-I am not your Jerry, I am Jerald with one R

-I am a lost spirit, do you think that i care for spelling?

-Do you think that i care for the lost spirits?

-You should, because if not,I  will eat you..

-Oh, Well OK, i am very much worried for you now.

-That’s good.

-Why did you lost your way?

-because when i was a kid, my mother did not buy a “Game Boy” for me…

-Fucking Nintendo, i knew that it causes hellish things like that…

-Jerry, you don’t need to blame Nintendo,problem was in me,  I had a terrible feeling of disappointment after that, deep depression, i could not do anything with that…

-You could just go and buy that damned game device…

-No, it was not just about devices, that was about a dream, that vanished with my childhood, there was no way back…

-Do you wanna say that depression causes the ‘ghostifying’ ?

Casper

-Not exactly, One day at night (if it was a day how could it be the night LOL the ghost)  Beelzebub came to me and told me that if i wanted to get rid of those terrible memories, i should be goin’  to the shop for stealing the Game Boy.

-Why did he come to you for the advice?

– “My Dear Human, all parents are the same, i was in the similar  position when my Father, the God, threw me out of the Heaven’s door, accept my advice” – said he, i believed…

-and, and… did you go?

-Yes, i did, i went in the mall, grabbed my dream and i was just rushing out of the building when one of the Guards accidentally fired from his Glock, i fell down dead…

– What was then? is it like in the movies, a tunnel with the light in the end?

-Light in the end? that’s a bull shit, when i died there was a German made elevator… Cabin angel pushed the button –  “Court Room” and after a second i was standing in front of the Judges, trembling, recalling my lifetime sins…

-And…

-I was afraid, i thought i was just on my way to hell, but Chef judge declared that, i had no right even to go to hell, until i abolish my mortal deal with Satan.

-Why do you want to go to hell, you can just stay like you are, can’t you?

-Man, Jerry, Uncertainty is heller than hell itself.  Most difficult thing is to stay in the middle of two worlds, to live without  a purpose, without function…

-What brings you here in my room?

-I just knew that you have a good Georgian Wine, that is my only joy… Once in every 20 years i have right to drink a bottle of wine, but wine should be produced in Georgia. Last time i visited a guy Soso in Moscow, he was so boring,  all the time speaking about proletariat and about his old German friend, i don’t remember his name… But wine was good… the next day poor Soso died, i was too drunk and i cannot clearly say what happened that night…

Stalin

-Well man… OK, i will bring the glasses…

We had too much alcohol that night. I don’t know when he left…

Dear people, please don’t ever believe  sentimental stories, that Satan tells you about his childhood memories, because you can be trapped like my old poor Jimmy the Ghost, Beelzebub is a bad guy.

And one more thing, don’t keep Georgian wine in your houses if you are afraid of the ghosts…

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